It’s okay to change your yes to a no. Yeses aren’t permanent. They’re something we choose again and again, each and every day. Something we have the right to recall and reconsider as soon as saying yes no longer feels conducive to our wellbeing and happiness. It doesn’t matter whether you said yes to a job, a date, a relationship, sex, a favor to a friend, a social endeavor, or a vow of silence — you don’t ever have to commit to something that forces you to compromise who you are and what feels right; especially if it’s something you agreed to under pressure, intimidation, or force. Changing your yes to a no might make people angry. It might hurt their feelings, cause them to see you as a flake, and result in lost connections. But if saying no means staying true to yourself, honoring your feelings, and making self-care a priority, it’s worth it. You are worth it. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
Letting Go Of Painful Memories
Experiences in life come in all shapes and sizes. While some can be beautiful, others can leave us with some painful memories. They tie us to the past and prevent us moving on. And the only way to freedom is to work on letting go – so these memories don’t haunt us or keep us trapped in pain. Below are some guidelines to help you work on this.
Before you can let go, you must face whatever happened and accept that it is part of your past experiences. Suppression doesn’t work as a long-term solution. It can only be a band aid that brings temporary relief. Talk to someone you trust, or write about it in your journal. You need to share what happened, in order to move on.
Identify the lessons you have learned from what has happened. There’s always a lesson – so look for what you’ve learned. It doesn’t make it better – but it does lessen its power.
Write the lesson down on a piece of paper and repeat it to yourself when you’re hit by old, painful memories. For example, if you’ve been scarred by abuse, then you might write something like: “My experience of abuse does not determine who I am. I’m a stronger person now, and that is not my destiny. I’m choosing my own future, and the person I will be.”
Repeat this mantra often so it takes root in your mind. Allow it to be stronger than the bad experience. Say it often, till you mean it, then you’ll start to feel you’re freer. Persevere and keep on fighting when those old memories return.
Seek to be a person who’s at peace with themselves. When peace is your focus, old thoughts and memories have much less power over how you think and feel. However, seeking after peace must be a conscious, constant choice.
When the past tries to intrude, focus firmly on the present. Ground yourself in what’s happening around you in the room, and try to breathe deeply – and deliberately relax. You are here in this moment; you’re not living in the past.
Forgive – for your own sake. Try to heal from what happened – then let resentments go. You don’t want them in your life for they’ll just tie you to the past. It’s not an easy process; it takes work and discipline. But it is worth the daily struggle – as one day you’ll be free.
Void In My Life
During this stage in my life I was fighting off the pain from only being able to see my daughter every other weekend. To this day it still hurts, but I’ve learned to cope better with it. Things do get better. Don’t worry.
Nilo Rodriguez
Sometimes you lose an important part of you. One day to the next, everything changes. It leaves a gap inside you and you keep running your fingers over it trying to figure out how anything will ever fill that space again. Nothing will ever fill that void. What used to be an everyday thing is now limited to every other weekend. You don’t get to make plans anymore and it haunts you. It hurts in ways you never could’ve imagined and it’s hard to remember what not hurting feels like. At times you manage to briefly forget what hurt feels like, but then the sense of loss hits you hard, reminding you what was once there is not any longer. Hopes of recovering that missing piece have been lost as time passes..
Letting Go
Sometimes we have to let go of someone who matters to us not because we want to but because we have to, and it’s the right thing to do. Remember that we can’t force anyone to love us, we can’t beg someone to stay when they want to leave and be with someone else, and sometimes this is what life teaches. Letting go of things that are already out of hand.
No Shame In Being Sad
I’ve learned that there is no shame in feeling broken, or sad. Be whatever you feel right now. No need to make excuses or try to minimize the hurt, deny the confusion. You cannot learn about yourself if at first you aren’t frustrated and confused, the hard questions are born from this. You cannot heal without first being damaged. So be broken and sad. Cope however you need to as long as you need to, for there is no instruction manual for this, we all make it up as we go along. Day by day and more often, minute by minute.
Sir Nilo's Writings 