… and in the end you’re just something I failed
Tag: sad
I Miss Being Called Dad…
Thought by now I would be used to it and it wouldn’t hurt as much as the very first time it ever happened; Arriving home and not being welcomed by YOUR little person, getting bombarded with mini hugs and little kisses. You find unicorn pajamas laying on your bed belonging to the little person who slept with you the last two nights. Then you find the little container containing the slime that was crafted over the weekend, better make sure you don’t lose it otherwise you won’t hear the end of it next time… Then you remember that next time is two weeks away again.
Fatigue begins to take its toll, drained by the heavy-long drive, the never ending traffic, and seeing faces filled with disgust has become a permanent way of life. You then go to bed with tears in your eyes, and your only comfort is YOU reminding yourself that two weeks will go by quick.. At this point you begin to miss that cute little voice saying “Daddy, I love you..” I miss being called DAD on a daily basis.
No one will ever understand this pain unless they’ve lived it themselves. If that’s the the case, I hope you find your peace soon, my fellow friend. . . .
I Lost My Best Friend
Life marches forward and I’ll be ok, I feel I’ve lost a friend though and that’s never easy. Things have definitely changed and I know I can never get THAT person back again. The person that smiled when they saw me, laughed at my dumb jokes, and the one that held me when I was hurt is now gone.
No Shame In Being Sad
I’ve learned that there is no shame in feeling broken, or sad. Be whatever you feel right now. No need to make excuses or try to minimize the hurt, deny the confusion. You cannot learn about yourself if at first you aren’t frustrated and confused, the hard questions are born from this. You cannot heal without first being damaged. So be broken and sad. Cope however you need to as long as you need to, for there is no instruction manual for this, we all make it up as we go along. Day by day and more often, minute by minute.
You Lose Her…
You lose her every time you ignore her. When you act like you don’t care about what and how she feels. You lose her when you let her fall asleep at night with tears in her eyes. When you don’t sort and fix things out before you go to bed. You lose her every time you choose to go out with your homies instead of staying with her because she badly needs you. When you ignore her calls and her texts. You lose her every time you lie to her. When you tell her your going to bed but instead your wide awake busy on your phone. You lose her every time you make her feel alone. When she is breaking down and you don’t even show the slightest concern to her. You lose her every time you fail to give her the attention she deserves. When all you do is accuse her of being demanding and unfair because the truth is you never tried to reach out to her needs. You lose her every time you become insensible. You lose her when you break your promises to her. You lose her every time you become selfish. When you think only of yourself… This is how you lost her.
Sir Nilo's Writings 