… and in the end you’re just something I failed
Tag: Prose
Everything Happens for a Reason
I realized I couldn’t change what had happened. I couldn’t change my feelings. I couldn’t change hers. I couldn’t change the pain she brought me and I brought her. I couldn’t change the night everything got ruined. But I could change how I handled future situations. I wanted to keep a positive mindset and not be depressed . I was given an opportunity to redefine who I was in a positive way. Yeah it was unfortunate that I lost her. I still think about her everyday, hoping she’s doing well, hoping she’s moved on and happy. Yes I miss our adventures and conversations and stupid ideas. But I don’t miss not knowing who I was. I don’t miss belonging to another person. I don’t miss giving myself up entirely to feel loved and accepted by someone who didn’t want me the way I wanted them anymore. But that’s okay. I believe everything happens for a reason. This is a journey. Although the road here has been hard and sometimes it feels real lonely, I have to remind myself to be strong and to not give up! I hope you all can take from this and see that it is possible to move on. It is possible to overcome any situation you think you won’t get over. This is my journey.
Stop and Start
Stop destroying yourself,
Stop being so hard on yourself,
And start being nice to yourself.
I Needed Time
Because of you, I learned what it meant to be at peace with myself. After you left, I learned how to be alone. It took a long time for me to understand that being alone didn’t mean I had to be lonely. I worked on myself. I spoiled myself. I loved myself. And I gave myself the best gift I could have asked for. Time. I needed time to be okay with my own thoughts. My own feelings. My own need to understand the way things were and why I felt a certain way about certain things. I needed time to confess my sins to myself and truly understand what I wanted to get out of the situation I was in. I needed time to be broken so I could understand what I needed to be strong.
I’m Finally Home
Babygirl, I realize that when I look at you and see the hurt behind your eyes, I only see a very small part of your story. Your gaze speaks volumes and the whisper of your soul utters a thousand words I will never forget. Yet, I know that I’ve only seen a glimpse of the woman that lies hidden beneath the surface. You’ve protected your heart because of all the ones in your past that tried to do more than hurt you, they wanted to control who you were.
Weaker men will always seek to destroy and diminish a strong woman, but you were better than that, smarter than them. They never really got close enough to the woman behind the mask to take away your identity. But it’s made you so very cautious and very hesitant to seek love again. They hurt you, because you wanted to believe they were different. But until someone comes along that sees past the facade, behind your walls and through to your soul, they will always be the same… Until me.
I know you don’t need to be saved, completed or fulfilled. You simply long to be loved, respected and appreciated for the person you are, the road you’ve traveled and the woman you’re destined to become. But to truly comprehend the depths of you, it takes more than a day, week or a month, but a lifetime. Each level unveiled only gives way to a deeper and more wondrous truth. You’ve been waiting a long time to reveal who you really are to someone, even longer to trust someone with every aspect of your heart. To have and to hold, to love and be loved, to be cherished for the remainder of your days, until the stars fall from the skies and time ceases to slip from the hourglass.
Truth is, I’ve searched all my life for the person that would come along that my soul would recognize in the passing of a second. You’re that one to me, my person that I’ve known since before I knew of anything else- I just hadn’t found you yet in this lifetime. I wish your broken road hadn’t hurt you so, all the men before weren’t lessons, but as our paths were always meant to meet, I know that this was always the way we were going to go. One man, one woman, one love.
Your smile and embrace tells me that you finally feel the one thing the others never could make you feel: Safe.
As I look in your eyes, I can feel my heart smile as the single thought comes to me. I’ve finally come home.
Sir Nilo's Writings 