… and in the end you’re just something I failed
Category: Moving On
Journey to Recovery
Don’t be scared to speak up. It’s harder when you try to burden everything on your own. If you feel broken know that every day you can become that much more stronger, and if you keep at it every part of you will be stronger and more sturday than it ever was before. Don’t let people silence you. Once you’re ready don’t hold back and make your voice matter. If you feel safer being silent that doesn’t mean you’re wrong and it’s okay to take your time. Anyone who suffers from addiction, abuse, ED, or anything else under the sun, you matter. It’s okay to seek support or even therapy. Or any safe places. Know you’re not alone. Even if it may feel like that. If you even have that one person it could feel a little less lonely. And it is lonely especially if people haven’t gone through certain things it feels like they can’t truly understand they can only think that they do.
Everything Happens for a Reason
I realized I couldn’t change what had happened. I couldn’t change my feelings. I couldn’t change hers. I couldn’t change the pain she brought me and I brought her. I couldn’t change the night everything got ruined. But I could change how I handled future situations. I wanted to keep a positive mindset and not be depressed . I was given an opportunity to redefine who I was in a positive way. Yeah it was unfortunate that I lost her. I still think about her everyday, hoping she’s doing well, hoping she’s moved on and happy. Yes I miss our adventures and conversations and stupid ideas. But I don’t miss not knowing who I was. I don’t miss belonging to another person. I don’t miss giving myself up entirely to feel loved and accepted by someone who didn’t want me the way I wanted them anymore. But that’s okay. I believe everything happens for a reason. This is a journey. Although the road here has been hard and sometimes it feels real lonely, I have to remind myself to be strong and to not give up! I hope you all can take from this and see that it is possible to move on. It is possible to overcome any situation you think you won’t get over. This is my journey.
What they don’t tell you…
No one talks about the tough part of moving on. The part where you keep struggling but you don’t want to tell anyone because you feel like you’ve talked too much already on the topic. Or when you’re having a great day but suddenly their smile is stuck in you head. Or what about the time their favorite song starts playing randomly on the radio? No one tells you that healing a heart doesn’t take a couple of days or even a couple of months. It takes as long as the heart needs. But I assure you, no matter how much time the heart takes; it heals.
I Needed Time
Because of you, I learned what it meant to be at peace with myself. After you left, I learned how to be alone. It took a long time for me to understand that being alone didn’t mean I had to be lonely. I worked on myself. I spoiled myself. I loved myself. And I gave myself the best gift I could have asked for. Time. I needed time to be okay with my own thoughts. My own feelings. My own need to understand the way things were and why I felt a certain way about certain things. I needed time to confess my sins to myself and truly understand what I wanted to get out of the situation I was in. I needed time to be broken so I could understand what I needed to be strong.
